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When he minimizes or avoids the topic, however, it suggests that either he has not yet worked through all the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance); or, he hasn’t yet hashed through the legalities (or possibly even begun). He can’t just flick it off his shoulder as he would a bug. Anger is a normal and healthy phase for your separated man to go through.

Rest-assured, his garbage is going to come out – and lucky you, you’ll end up helping him sort it.

The real reason his divorce hasn’t been finalized could be because of unfinished legal business. Often, his anger will be directed towards his wife – not necessarily through long rants but through small jabs, backhanded remarks and seething sarcasm disguised as humour.

I remember one separated man I dated would seethe as he referred to his wife as the “Succubus” — she’s a demon that takes on a human form to sexually seduce men.

If you chose to proceed in dating him, I caution you to proceed slowly and with eyes wide open. Comments like, “Bah, I just want it over,” or “Doesn’t matter, we’ve been strangers for years,” may seem casual, even confident — but they also mask what’s going on underneath and behind the scenes.

When a man has truly processed his divorce and moved on, he should be able to speak to it with compassion, kindness, and wisdom.

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